yann tiersen

“There will always be something to ruin our lives,
it all depends on what or which finds us first.
We are always ripe and ready to be taken.”
-Charles Bukowski

curb your enthusiasm

I just don't know anymore.
You try and help a friend out, you're meddling in their life.
You try and be nice to someone, you're trying to fit in.

What happens next?
I don't even blame the city I'm in, I blame people being people.
I'll just hang out and be quiet from now on.

Live and let live.

arctic - clams casino

My mother's old best friend called me today,
she almost cried on the phone when she heard me.
She's picking me up tomorrow to show me old pictures
probably going to feed me lots of korean food and cry to see my mother in a younger form.

I'm listening to music silently as I wait,
same song on repeat,
over and over, again and again
when I hear the faint, remixed voice
I just feel like I'm sitting in the lounge of the W hotel in New Orleans,
jotting thoughts and poetry in my journal, being 15, unsure of where to go next.

And here I am 5 years later getting reminded that nothing has changed but my set of friends, the boyfriend and the city setting.

You want to sleep and I just want to stay awake.


"cities die
like people die
only more slowly
and people
who live in dying cities
become stuffed with indifference and
fear
and when their deaths
become actual
funerals seem superfluous."

-Charles Bukowski

busted - isley brothers

Today was pretty good, allowed myself to sleep in, Chris came home today from tour. But here I am on a Saturday night online, Chris fell asleep at 9 after I took my funny photo.
Not much has changed with Chris coming home...

everything still seems about the same to me.

money honey - lady gaga

So, today I was suppose to meet Beth and Kyle for lunch at Sultan's and on my way there (running late of course) my bus driver stops at a red light and jumps out of the bus to get on her phone. Only so many people notice, but when we miss 2 lights.. then people start to look around, wondering what the fuck is going on. She finally ends up back on the bus, grabs her lunch box and quickly says, "2 minutes people, be right back" and walks right back out. I look around for someone else to share this incredible moment with but everyone is just on their phone, book, or talking to a friend as if we were riding down North like nothing's happened. I quietly watch her cross the street and our bus miss 3 green lights. Eventually this little old lady tries to knock on the doors to let her in, since no one is moving, I hurry to get up and push the closed doors so she can get away from the cold. As she slowly steps in, the first thing she says is, "Where in the HELL is the bus driver??!" I laugh and respond, "You know what... I think we're all thinking the exact same thing." This being said made everyone on the bus hysterically laugh and it broke the ice for people to make their comments on how ridiculous this situation is. I look to the old lady as she finally makes her way past me and I yell out, "HEY! Don't even worry about paying... let's just get you in here and seated in case we take off." Everyone laughs and now the situation isn't so annoying but more funny. Our bus driver finally gets on and off we go. People are yelling from the back to her about how shitty of a move it was, but she ignores it and drives as fast as possible to Damen.

Didn't make it to Sultan's but caught up to go thrifting, walk through pet shops, and help Beth pick out the cutest boots! Thank god I forgot my debit card, I would've definitely spent money I did not have!

Bethany and I ended our night with watching Seinfield and talking about old memories and old friends. It made me think, one of the best things in life is meeting someone accidentally and then realizing they could be the best thing that ever stepped into your life. I look back on the people I let go and I really have no regret on the choices I made, I'm just sad to see where most of those people are today. I'm just happy I'm not in a situation where I think of nothing but hate for them, I guess I just don't care about people anymore. I'm content with everyone I'm surrounded by.

I'm trying to take life as it's given to me. But now my main concern is, am I here to start something new or am I here to be a wallflower until I die? Am I here to make people happy or am I here to get what I want?

“We all die. The goal isn't to live forever, the goal is to create something that will.”
-Chuck Palahniuk

I haven't been drinking caffeine since I do nothing but sit at home,
yesterday I craved for coffee, drank two cups, stayed up til 7 am
had a very important job interview today, almost just stayed up for it hoping I wouldn't miss it.... turns out I wrote down the wrong time in my notebook anyways and I definitely didn't get the job

Fuck me.

So many things are happening at once I don't even update myself anymore.

Life is wonderful and it just keeps on getting better.

“My home?” asked Marilyn Monroe. “It will be a place for any friends of mine who are in some kind of trouble. As for me, I just want to be an artist and an actress with integrity.”

tummy aches all day long

I have the pictures from Chris's photo shoot on Sunday night finally posted.
My updated and photos are linked in here;
!!!!!CLICK HERE!!!!!!

xo

around the world - daft punk

vampire weekend - ladies of cambridge

jacob hartman is my favorite

go back to high school - beauty school drop out

Looking into jobs in New York or Boston.

Oh and I met Tim Meadows yesterday.. he was awesome.
I signed him up at my gym and we got to chit chat about nothing for a long time.

Life can be cool sometimes

i'll fly with you

Nothing can save your misery
Don't know shit about me
Don't know anything
Sink to the bottom
All hell breaking loose


Today is such a wierd day for me. I should be sad and upset about what's going on within me and around me but today I just do not give a fuck. It's all about the future and that's all that matters to me now. Why dwell on my past when I can just make a better tomorrow. I'm dreading Monday but I'm really looking forward to Tuesday. Maybe this weekend I'll plan a random trip to TIHC? Either I'll regret it or love it. I'll be seeing old friends and the same old bands, so what could be different from any other fest?

I've never been to Philly before,
I'm ready to play outside

I always wonder what I could've changed in my past after the time has already flown by. Today I had lunch with two of my favorite people from Florida here in Chicago. It was nice to sit and small talk about how life is so different now. I got a reality check on how much my life has moved and advanced since 2008.

What will happen next is what will happen.

I'm so unhappy with my life now.

the shins - caring is creepy

I don't know what to say or think anymore,
people never surprise me anymore,
I can't remember getting that extremely happy feeling anymore,
my income doesn't surprise me anymore,
my life doesn't change anymore,
I'm never filled of energy anymore,


I am so tired of everything.

all american rejects

Today I was in such a positive mood for reasons I don't have.
Florida was Florida and Chicago is Chicago.

I realize again today that nothing is forever, nothing is truly permanent, nothing will last yours as much as you want it to be. I need to keep up on my toes, keep up with my self, look out for my future.

Maybe I should just go back to Boston

birds outside my window

here's my update-




i hit my goal for june
i really hate my job
i'll be in florida july 16-19
i'll be in boston sept 17-20
my new roomie is down
jake becoming a good friend
my boyfriend rules more than anything else
i can't wait to visit my family
lil b and me will transform into one again
i still hate sluts, liars and drama
bbq has a whole new look to me
i'm losing weight and it rules
i hate working out even more
i still love SKs
i'm starting to like bacon
i love razz iced tea

chicago is still chicago

raining cats and dogs

i hate
the rain
when my nails break
florida
drama
chicago scene
people
sore feets
dirty houses
smelly dog breath
bad hair days
annoying managers
broken copiers
freezing rooms
creepy men
cops
public transit
breaking a nail

BUT i love
my boyfriend
the best person in my life, lil b
my family
good food
whole foods
babies
puppies
new clothes
semi-annual VS sales
making money
makeup
losing weight
funny jokes
saving money
sleeping in
waking up beside chris
a clean room
riding bikes
new bathing suits
dudefest with fla friends
smelly good candles
compliments


life, oh geez

your protector - fleet foxes

Today is such a beautiful day but I feel so so sad inside.

I realize when people die, the love ones sometimes try and let go, try to forget all their sorrows in the back of their mind to keep moving forward but the way I live, it's completely different. I want to remember every good and bad thing about someone, remind myself everyday of my loss so I won't ever regret another minute that I don't spend with someone, so that I live my life to the fullest, reminding myself to tell the one I love, that I will always love them.


Hey mom, I miss you and I won't ever forget you, okay?

third time - cartright

"Hating people is like burning down your house to kill a rat"

“It's a waste of energy to be angry with a man who behaves badly, just as it is to be angry with a car that won't go”

“There are two things a person should never be angry at, what they can help, and what they cannot.”

give up

crunch's playlist

today was a really big day, filled with all kinds of good and bad
it was the last day my boyfriend had hair,
the day of my first paycheck,
the grand opening of Whole Food's in Lincoln Park,
i finally went shopping for black heels,
got to buy my boyfriend food for the house,
and became debt free and opened a new bank account!!!!


a big day, a semi-good day, another chicago day

phone rings, punching bags, trendmills

i feel like i belong nowhere anymore,
when lil b gets here or maybe before, i will decide on where to go next


maybe i was better off dreaming away cityscapes in my room with my bestfriend
than living in all these grand places and crying every night from never being happy


You don't stop me from wanting to leave anymore.


what more can i do?

devil - standfast

The other day I surprised Chris at La Luce for his birthday. It was 2 days after his actual birthday since we've been working like crazy and having other plans, all of us went to Papa Gin's for sushi but on Saturday I told him I met some dudes off B9 and I was off to go meet them and he was "allowed" to come. He wasn't pumped but let himself to go shopping and pick up a couple new button ups since he doesn't fit in any of his anymore. I told him I had a surprise at the end of the night and as soon as we were walking out of the apartment, I made him close his eyes for the surprise and then blindfolded him. Led him out to Eddie's car and drove out to his favorite place and paid for dinner. He was super pumped and giggled the whole time.
Yes, I'm the best girlfriend ever to be known. (what else could I be for the greatest boyfriend of all time?)


=======================================

On top of that, I still owe people money for rent of a room that I still have yet to sleep in. Not fucking happening anymore and after two paychecks I should be able to pay everyone off and pay for my rent. I can starve as much as I want as long as I can be able to pay people back and clear my name with them. I'm fucking tired of people in this city.... or I just need to finish some adjustments and I could be happy again. Chris is freaking out because he doesn't want to lose me over something so fucking petty that is truly ruining a lot of me wanting to be here.

As much as I DON'T want to say it because all the fucking idiots that I'm surrounded by that LOVE to wallow in their self pity and cry about the days and their "life",

I really fucking hate everyone right now... seriously.

I truly just want everyone to get lost in my life except Chris and Lil B,
my og plans were to just live with Lil B and be completely happy but since I have series of bullshit courses coming in and out my life this can not be in full effect until Lil B gets here... and that's fine.

Lil B, getting used to my job, finishing school.
All of these things are making me push forward.
Well, that and Chris being the best person I have ever met in my entire life.

FUCK AUG CAN NOT COME FASTER

the twist - metric

BURNING FIGHT was super good.

This weekend has been really really awesome,
all filled with new friends, old friends, real hangs, good food, good music, and a whole new view of Chicago.
(a better one at that)

Here's my shitty cellphone pics from this weekend,

Unbroken and the venue filled from side to side






Underdog

Trial

"a slice of pie and a free 'pop'" -oh chicago!


In case you're wondering, I was apart of this.

(this is cut off because of the limitations in my blog, right click, view to see it for real)

Psst, I got hired at Crunch, so if you're in NYC, LA, Miami, Chicago and you're looking for a gym, come holla at ya girl, i got a great deal waiting for you!
x