And here we are again. Two bodies laying beside each other in the same bed. But this time I'm not here for a visit, I'm here for good. And I'm staring out our window, wondering the same thought I think every day I'm here.... is this all worth it?
He silently reads his book beside me. We have separate covers for our bodies. We haven't said a word to each other since we argued in public on the walk home from brunch. I open my computer and see my background photo, a fortune from a cookie almost 3 years ago...
To love and to be loved is like feeling the sun from both sides.
Of course something so trivial and small that generally meant nothing is disgusting me now. Today is the foggiest, coldest day I can remember since winter started. What a day to be a Khaleesi. We fight almost every day now. I figured the distance between us is the reason why we fought as often as we did.. now it's a whole another reason. I've only been back 3 days now and I've cried until my eyes were swollen twice. Am I a glutton for pain or is every relationship this difficult? Although last night, I've never felt more right and in love with this person. Being introduced as his significant other, my hand being held, and how he openly kissed my face in front of everyone in his company. Yet in the privacy of our home, he says things that break my soul, my pride, my heart.
He brings up Her almost every day. Always something small and says it so nonchalantly that I always try to keep my cool.. even though hearing that she even exist fuels my hate for everything in life. Can I have nothing for myself? Everything that I want and take in life is always some one else's.
So here I am. Laying beside him.. staring out the window. I just let my demons take control of what I never want to think about nowadays. I don't think I can cry anymore.. I heard sometimes you're only allotted so many tears per person.
My sadness is officially anger. What am I to do now..
No comments:
Post a Comment