lust for a vampyr - i monster

Friday (this weekend) was Eddie T's 24th straight-edge cro-mags birthday party of the year.

He was suppose to see Cro-Mags for his birthday but with his job there was no way it was happening and he was truly bummed about it all.
But instead, we all went out for sushi at Papajin's,

(expensive but delicious) then Isabel bought him the MOST illest strawberry, chocolate cake. Everyone was super pumped, i was pretty upset coz i had this cheezy Cro-Mags cake waiting for him at my place, which didn't even compare to those baking skills. But then after party happened at our apartment with just a few of the dudes and then i brought out the Cro-Mags birthday cake i made him. Funny part is, the icing meant to be red, the sprinkles orange, red, white. Turned out hot pink icing, confetti sprinkles. Bethany said, "If San Fran blew up onto one cake, this would be it."



Everyone sat in the living room watching, Harsh Times and when i called Ed into the kitchen everyone followed in and i started to play, "Hard Times" and claimed, "Since you couldn't go see Cro-Mags, I brought them to you."

hunted by a freak - mogwai

All i can remember is him kissing me goodbye and then the darkness following as i shut my eyes tight again to forget about waking, I'm laying in bed alone because Chris left for work at 6am.
All of a sudden i hear a phone ring, i peek open my little eyes to glance directly to my white blackberry pearl. I lean over hesitantly to discover a childhood best friend is calling me, the caller ID appears informing me, "Amber Wejroch" -accompanied with a photo of her right beside the name. I answer with a quick hello hoping it wasn't too much of an emergency so i could quickly fall asleep again and as i wait for her greeting in return, all i can hear and
all she says is, "TIME IS RUNNING OUT."

My body shudders. I lift my head to realize now I am awake. It's 10:43am. Chris really isn't here, but my phone is nowhere near me. Debating going back to sleep has a quick ending.

Fuck it, who will keep me from my nightmares when I'm alone?



ps. What i'm listening to will be listed as my title. More nightmares/dreams should and probably will be posted since the rest of the bullshit i blabber out on this blog is completely pointless and boring to read.

ahhhhh

current favs;

my brothers
stenciling
general tao's tofu
gorilla zoe
Chicago public library
mac lashes (36)
black on black
pleather jackets
beat union
dunkin' donuts coffee
sunny days

home

Minutes and hours are flying by, so my days are just passing.
And what do i really have to show for it?

Terribly grown out roots, a gym membership that will expire next month, and a handsome boyfriend that makes wierd noises on the daily.




Today is Chris Dad's birthday, so we're off to hang out with his family.

(no, i'm not nervous)

oh the blue line

My life in Chicago is a winding road of confusion.
Money, food, survival hasn't been a problem yet, just being loved and productive has taken it's priority.


SFN, Poison Planet, Cold Shoulder, etc are playing tonight, so I gotta get ready.


see ya

give it to you

get into it

sigh

I'm tired of you Chicago and I'm tired of my life here in Chicago.

I JUST MISS MY BESTFRIEND OK?

Fuck Everything Always

open your eyes

I tried to stop myself
Told you those games ain't good for yourself
Gave ya advice cuz I thought you could hear
Better listen closely cuz your end is near

What does it take to prove you were a fake
I thought so anyway,
Won't show you no mercy today

show tonight

APE MAN APE

Harm's Way

I realized I don't really like Chicago, at all.

WORLD PEACE CAN'T BE DONE

acceptable?

justice stress (official video)
by 75_prod

apparently so

the bean

Yeah it was pretty neat, there will be more pictures from this day on my myspace. I love my friends here and the cityscape is pretty ill too.



Sorry, (Chris and Scotty) but I still love and miss Boston no matter what.

AF - 2009

So tonight AF played and we found out last minute it was 18+ show. (Of course this flyer was made from whatever information Lil B and I knew from lurking around.) We went anyways, and our plan to sneak in, lying, and bribing the front guy to get Lil B in the end never worked. We said if Lil B can't get in, none of us were going to stay. So to make sure Beezie was happy, Cara didn't drive an hour for no reason, and I got to actually go into this gig, I talked to a bouncer and made it happen. (Even after they all doubt'd me!) Mongoloids played, super fun as usual, good dudes for damn sure. Bethany was there and I was SIKED. God, I really just can not wait to be roomies with that girl!!! It was a really really good night overall, girl talks were real and stage dives were in action. Now back to reality, I have WAY too many things to do tomorrow since I leave Tuesday at 6am. Emily and I are having a sleepover Monday night and doing tons of girly shit before she drops me off at the airport. (ie, dying hair, face mask, Kat Williams, photo seshz)

Valentine's Day is coming up, who's your valentine?

SO

I'm a lot more sad when I'm here in Florida,
I'll be in Chicago on Tuesday at 11am.

See ya

photos with emb

We took photos yesterday! It was super fun and I got to practice posing a lot for Chris's photo shoot coming up. These are a mix of unedited/edited photos. The full set will be in an album posted on my myspace, so keep an eye out!

(to see these photos in full form, just right click!)

xo

cookies n' creme

So yesterday after dinner, Lil B and I craved for something sweet so we rode to my house in high hopes of baking something of our own. Finding nothing and having no funds, I realized the vegan cupcake cookbook BC got me for my birthday I have yet to use. So we choose a recipe and started the baking session.




Between us two, I'm more of the caretaker, cooker, driver, etc. All I really asked was for her to line the pans and pre-heat the oven but she really wanted to be apart of it all, so she decided she could do the frosting.......



Instead of actually reading directions, she just threw everything in the bowl together and then asked me what was going on. I had to point out what was wrong and instead of her "helping" some more, I just told her I would take care of it and so she just sat online and ate oreo's as I finished up.






So, I did what I could, baked and piped the almost alright tasting frosting on the little guys, then set them up.




Our finished product was a letdown but it was super fun making them. We plan on retrying more later on this week, (really meaning I bake while Beezie keeps me company)







my bestfriend is better than yours

BOSTON

I miss the hot days with the window open excited for a gust of cool air, the smell of my mother's old perfume creeping out from my suitcases that are sprawled on my floor. The green line and the 86 bus stopping and going right on my street, even the obnoxious Northeastern kids partying entirely too hard every single night. Every hilarious and great memory from Charlie's and all the Charlies' girls. All the late night bike rides to the North End just for a piece of cake. Catpower playing softly in my ear as I walk around Somerville with the sun coming up. Eating the most delicious food at Bartley's and getting overly siked to work with James (because he is the best ever). Late nights with Karl, watching Indiana Jones, and walking from Allston to Harvard at 2am.

Halloween, shows, random dates, shopping, Election Night, Kevin Dempsey, fried rice, Dave Sheehan, Newbury St., Other Side Cafe, Joshua Fontaine, tuesday punk pizza nights, xkimberlyx, and ice skating at frog pond.

I just miss you Boston, really I truly do.

gee gee gee

so adorable, if you can't fall in love with this.. get real plz!

"january 20, 2009 (pt. 2)"

"Here I am, late to catching my train to my final stop in NYC, Astoria. God, I really hope I don't miss my plane ride. Ugh, I would've stayed in Chicago, but I couldn't manage to stay here in NYC. So I'm sitting on this bench, patiently waiting yet still real annoyed. Between songs from my ipod all I can hear is this little old asian man rubbing his hands together to keep them warm. This has been all I've been seeing and hearing since I first glanced over at this man. Then I think about it and I remember these really warm glove/mittens that I bought in Boston in my purse right beside me. With my bags and luggage is all around me, realizing I'm leaving this god-awful city, escaping the bitter cold and this poor old man will still be stuck here in New York, I question if giving my gloves to him would be an embarrassing attempt of being nice to getting rejected or rather him taking them kindly and everything just continue to continue. Still after 5 minutes of trying to warm his hands, I just reach in my bag and hand this little man my gloves, smile and say, 'Don't worry, I don't need these. I'm headed to Florida.' He seemed a little confused at first but ends up muttering 'thank you' in the best english possible, takes them and puts them on immediately. I wish I could've said something cheezy like, 'Yeah, God loves you' just so I can let him and everyone around me realize that not all 'christians' or even people believe in God aren't all creepy, pushy, freaks. We're regular joes that just believe in being good people too. BUT saying that would've been beyond ridiculous. So I kept it to a smile and stuck my cold hands inside my jacket from the lack of gloves."

give it up

Beautiful women, sweets, and a dope beat.

sad tomorrow

pop-punk at it's best

goodbye florida (again)

MARCH 28,2006-
doctrine monroe: think of a better nickname and i'll get a fucking beltbuckle
get carriedxaway: hahahaha
doctrine monroe: how great it would be not to get all giggly about a guy but then get all let down.. shitty man, just shitty. If you dont like me, tell a iirl
get carriedxaway: aww, I'll tell you if I ever don't like you. don't worry. but I don't think that's gonna happen, after you get the belt buckle, we're pretty much stuck together for forever
doctrine monroe: hahaha
doctrine monroe: why do you rule so much?
get carriedxaway: That's a question I plan to ask the big man once I get to heaven
doctrine monroe: hahah
get carriedxaway: are you laughing about the fact that I think I'm getting into heaven?
get carriedxaway: yes
get carriedxaway: that's okay
get carriedxaway: I'm taking you with me
doctrine monroe: aw bethany
doctrine monroe: no wonder boys fall to the ground you walk on
doctrine monroe: sheeesh you make me feel so special inside
get carriedxaway: all warm and fuzzy?
doctrine monroe: yeah a little
get carriedxaway: like puppies and shit?
doctrine monroe: sometimes
doctrine monroe: even flowers with faces
get carriedxaway: awwwwww. it's "love"
doctrine monroe: fuck yeah
doctrine monroe: i'm in love
get carriedxaway: yay!!! cause I ddn't want to say it first, but I love you too! let's get hitched
doctrine monroe: hahaha
doctrine monroe: you're so silly
doctrine monroe: you're my future roommate, lovemate, soulmate, beltbucklemate, burningangelmate.
get carriedxaway: oh man, I'm so excited, our house is going to be the best place ever.
get carriedxaway: also.. probably the dirtiest place ever. and I don't mean dirty like dishes...
doctrine monroe: fuck all the bullshit, our house is where it's at!!!!
doctrine monroe: but hey, only drug-free rule applies.
get carriedxaway: true. fuck a drug. I'm high on life!!
get carriedxaway: okay, no prob, it'll only take till December, so we've got plenty of time to revise andadd on to these basic rules
doctrine monroe: i'm serious, i'm like saving up right now
get carriedxaway: damn we're going to rule




2006 was the year we planned on leaving this state and to start our lives new. She fell in love and went to California. I stayed here with my life until things weren't bearable anymore and moved to Boston alone. Now here we are back in Florida, single, and sick of everything again. 3 years later we are finally packing up and moving out together as planned. In 2 weeks, I'm back traveling again. Can you keep up?

Hello Chicago, see ya Pensacola.

sunday nights

I drive heading to my home early in the night. Everyone is gone, the streets are bare. It's only 9:14 pm. I scan the radio for something right. Nothing good is on, like usual. I flip back to the mix cd you made me and gave me when we were in Boston together. Jawbreaker is playing loudly. I know these roads way too well. I pass my father's store that he and my brother built. I pass by the sports bar Lil b and I used to eat 65 cent wings at every Tuesday night. I pass the DMV I spent almost a week at, struggling just for some progress in my life. I pass the Kmart that my mother once left me at when the freshly bought plant sitting aside my friend apparently looked like me. At the stop light beside the community college that held the track that my mom and I spent so many countless nights trying to keep our bodies to the ideal feel of how we wanted them to be, I started to think. I decided to write a letter to Lil Beezie to explain how I love her and don't give up without me around to keep from her killing herself. How everything would be okay and how life will suck but one day she'll find her soulmate and life will just look a tad bit better. Then I thought about how my brothers might ask, "Where's my letter of love and assurance?" and then I realized however I die, I want them to know I know they're strong and can always carry on without me to bug them or cry for help. At that moment, I cried. I cried while i drove. I kept my speed, but it didn't matter in the black paved abyss I tugged my truck along. I was crying for the first time in a really, really long time. For a minute, for some strange second in time I thought to call Landon. Maybe he would know what to say in a time like this. Then I got angry with myself and questioned on why in the world do I always think of Landon when I cry? It's disgusting and pathetic that when sad tears fall from my eyes I think of that piece of shit. I blame all those sad memories that haunt me. All those sad fights we had. All those empty nights I spent in my room, screaming my heart out to a human who barely heard an exhale from my direction. Then I turned my music down low. The only sound that filled the air now was the chugging and struggling of the truck I was within. I grabbed for my phone and dialed for you. Why? I didn't know. Tears still streaming down my face. Thoughts of death and missing just a handful of people crowded my mind. High school nights of sneaking around. Hardcore shows being the bane of my existence. Mom and the life before. Suicide flashing in and out. No answer from you. I figured that much, I know you've got a busy life of your own. It's all fair to me. I instantly regret the call, wipe my tears, turn up the music and sing along to something I know. Pull up into my yard and forget who I once was and keep moving forward.

Just keep moving forward.

luck

I lost mine somewhere down the line,
all I see now is obstacles in my way.
But don't you worry though, I'll get mine in the end.