boyfriend/girlfriend - cside ft keyisha cole

it's 4:39, i'm in Club Squeeze, but you're not here













so where are you?

please stop this tom foolery, stop making me sad and come be my valentine

don't even worry about it

the snores of chris

i'm swimming in a sea of muscles and skin covered with ink
with the slight breeze of air escaping from soft snores,
the smell of your body is faint and pleasant,
your heart is the sun of my seascape and in the slience of the room,
i can hear it's rhythm of beat along with mine

here i am, your boat, the s.s. esther
the steady ship of thoughts, daydreams, and procrastination
with my olive colored sails and the scent of enriched perfume into,
my painted blonde accessories tangling with you,
my figure of afloat endlessly snuggling with the waves of your waters

i am yours ocean, take me as i am

now i'm starting to sink and no, i'm not crying for help,
drowning in your ocean is nothing i'll complain about

all i need - radiohead

you never got me the shoes you promised
you never kept our friendship true like you promised
you never got me the gold hoop earrings you promised
you never loved me forever like you promised
you gave up on everything we had even though you promised
you lied to me even though you promised
you never took me to Margie's like you promised
you never taught me all the things and talents you had, even though you promised me

i can't keep my mouth shut or keep my anger down anymore
i'm tired of a broken future,

i'm fucking tired of empty promises

phantom limb - the shins

Chicago's been having beautiful days lately
and I've been leaving the house a lot more often.
I'm beginning to see why Chris loves it here and I'm beginning to love it too.


I want to crawl into our bed and sleep in your arms forever.

here pussy cat..

i've been dressed since 11am, but i haven't left yet, it's 3:02pm.
i hate rainy chicago days, especially when i'm home alone.

ti

I'm over everyone's "self-hate" phase and bullshit, get the fuck over yourself.


“If somebody reads this and your day and your night were akin to mine, then somehow we’ve touched, strange brother or sister, and we both understand that death is not the tragedy. You are alone and I am alone and it’s best that we aren’t together, comparing our pitiful sorrows.”
-Bukowski

hmph

esthervsyou: i don't care
esthervsyou: i have chris and im happy
esthervsyou: and once you're here
esthervsyou: it's over
bethanydewater: we are going to rule the world

i love my bestfriend, please get here soon

third time - cartright

If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together, there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart I'll always be with you.
-Winnie the Pooh

is it me - method man

"I just can't get through to you
Despite all the ways
I try or any of the things I do
Maybe I'd be better off talkin to a wall
Cause you ain't making any sense at all

I'm walkin and I'm talkin
And I'm tryin and I'm lyin
But I just ain't getting through to you!"

june - pinback

"Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for truth." -Benjamin Disrael


He's already been asleep. He has to wake up for work. I creep toward our bed, it's late in the evening (or early in the morning.) With my legs smooth and my skin soft with the smell of milk and honey massaged in, I pull back the blankets and cuddle up to the man already heavily breathing from deep sleep. We act as two puzzle pieces forming together as if there were a magnetic strip along us. For the next 20 minutes all you hear throughout our room is the background music of our sleep playlist (filled with Twilight Singers, Mogwai, Explosions, Brand New...) then the heavy whispers of our babys' and you're mines' as if these were the words to keep us going and keep us merging as one. Giggles and gasps entwine with the words of Coldplay suddenly seeming to play louder. I was yours. You were mine. Our minds were clear from all the clutter and bullshit from the world because right then all we cared about was each other. Then suddenly reality kicked back in and we awkwardly tried to make our body connect again. Our horseshoed bodies colored red and ugly, suddenly didn't align as perfect as before. The music is playing even louder now, Elliot Smith is calibrating with the click of the ceiling fan above us. I muse about the conversation I had with Bethany earlier that day. I sigh. Then I suddenly blurt it out as if the sake of our disconnecting bodies weren't awkward enough.
me: i have to move out
him: oh.. alright then.
*Not surprised by his answer I just stare in the dark corner of our room.
him: so.. why?
me: to make sure we stay together
him: right, so we can have our own space and room.. and live better
*I'm silent because even though I'm not surprised by his answers, I wish they were all different. He adjust himself comfortably to fall asleep again. I start to whisper,
me: soon enough, when i'm gone, you'll change your profile songs to love songs hoping i notice they are for me, you will call and text me everyday urging to hear my voice, you'll beg and save pictures of me on your phone, you'll talk about how sleeping at night is difficult without me there in between you, you won't get sick of me and like me just like you used too...
him: what?
me: everything will be just like how it was when i'm gone
him: alright

He rolls over, I roll over.
I think of you again. Can you leave me alone please? I am replacing you with someone better.
I hate myself. I cry myself to sleep.


"I think we dream so we don't have to be apart for so long. If we're in each other's dreams, we can be together all the time." -Winnie the Pooh

no matter what they say

Lately I've been feeling super unattractive, unsexy, uncreative, and very unfun.

woe is me, life is pain