So many things are happening at once I don't even update myself anymore.

Life is wonderful and it just keeps on getting better.

“My home?” asked Marilyn Monroe. “It will be a place for any friends of mine who are in some kind of trouble. As for me, I just want to be an artist and an actress with integrity.”

tummy aches all day long

I have the pictures from Chris's photo shoot on Sunday night finally posted.
My updated and photos are linked in here;
!!!!!CLICK HERE!!!!!!

xo

around the world - daft punk

vampire weekend - ladies of cambridge

jacob hartman is my favorite

go back to high school - beauty school drop out

Looking into jobs in New York or Boston.

Oh and I met Tim Meadows yesterday.. he was awesome.
I signed him up at my gym and we got to chit chat about nothing for a long time.

Life can be cool sometimes

i'll fly with you

Nothing can save your misery
Don't know shit about me
Don't know anything
Sink to the bottom
All hell breaking loose


Today is such a wierd day for me. I should be sad and upset about what's going on within me and around me but today I just do not give a fuck. It's all about the future and that's all that matters to me now. Why dwell on my past when I can just make a better tomorrow. I'm dreading Monday but I'm really looking forward to Tuesday. Maybe this weekend I'll plan a random trip to TIHC? Either I'll regret it or love it. I'll be seeing old friends and the same old bands, so what could be different from any other fest?

I've never been to Philly before,
I'm ready to play outside

I always wonder what I could've changed in my past after the time has already flown by. Today I had lunch with two of my favorite people from Florida here in Chicago. It was nice to sit and small talk about how life is so different now. I got a reality check on how much my life has moved and advanced since 2008.

What will happen next is what will happen.

I'm so unhappy with my life now.

the shins - caring is creepy

I don't know what to say or think anymore,
people never surprise me anymore,
I can't remember getting that extremely happy feeling anymore,
my income doesn't surprise me anymore,
my life doesn't change anymore,
I'm never filled of energy anymore,


I am so tired of everything.

all american rejects

Today I was in such a positive mood for reasons I don't have.
Florida was Florida and Chicago is Chicago.

I realize again today that nothing is forever, nothing is truly permanent, nothing will last yours as much as you want it to be. I need to keep up on my toes, keep up with my self, look out for my future.

Maybe I should just go back to Boston

birds outside my window

here's my update-




i hit my goal for june
i really hate my job
i'll be in florida july 16-19
i'll be in boston sept 17-20
my new roomie is down
jake becoming a good friend
my boyfriend rules more than anything else
i can't wait to visit my family
lil b and me will transform into one again
i still hate sluts, liars and drama
bbq has a whole new look to me
i'm losing weight and it rules
i hate working out even more
i still love SKs
i'm starting to like bacon
i love razz iced tea

chicago is still chicago

raining cats and dogs

i hate
the rain
when my nails break
florida
drama
chicago scene
people
sore feets
dirty houses
smelly dog breath
bad hair days
annoying managers
broken copiers
freezing rooms
creepy men
cops
public transit
breaking a nail

BUT i love
my boyfriend
the best person in my life, lil b
my family
good food
whole foods
babies
puppies
new clothes
semi-annual VS sales
making money
makeup
losing weight
funny jokes
saving money
sleeping in
waking up beside chris
a clean room
riding bikes
new bathing suits
dudefest with fla friends
smelly good candles
compliments


life, oh geez

your protector - fleet foxes

Today is such a beautiful day but I feel so so sad inside.

I realize when people die, the love ones sometimes try and let go, try to forget all their sorrows in the back of their mind to keep moving forward but the way I live, it's completely different. I want to remember every good and bad thing about someone, remind myself everyday of my loss so I won't ever regret another minute that I don't spend with someone, so that I live my life to the fullest, reminding myself to tell the one I love, that I will always love them.


Hey mom, I miss you and I won't ever forget you, okay?

third time - cartright

"Hating people is like burning down your house to kill a rat"

“It's a waste of energy to be angry with a man who behaves badly, just as it is to be angry with a car that won't go”

“There are two things a person should never be angry at, what they can help, and what they cannot.”

give up

crunch's playlist

today was a really big day, filled with all kinds of good and bad
it was the last day my boyfriend had hair,
the day of my first paycheck,
the grand opening of Whole Food's in Lincoln Park,
i finally went shopping for black heels,
got to buy my boyfriend food for the house,
and became debt free and opened a new bank account!!!!


a big day, a semi-good day, another chicago day

phone rings, punching bags, trendmills

i feel like i belong nowhere anymore,
when lil b gets here or maybe before, i will decide on where to go next


maybe i was better off dreaming away cityscapes in my room with my bestfriend
than living in all these grand places and crying every night from never being happy


You don't stop me from wanting to leave anymore.


what more can i do?

devil - standfast

The other day I surprised Chris at La Luce for his birthday. It was 2 days after his actual birthday since we've been working like crazy and having other plans, all of us went to Papa Gin's for sushi but on Saturday I told him I met some dudes off B9 and I was off to go meet them and he was "allowed" to come. He wasn't pumped but let himself to go shopping and pick up a couple new button ups since he doesn't fit in any of his anymore. I told him I had a surprise at the end of the night and as soon as we were walking out of the apartment, I made him close his eyes for the surprise and then blindfolded him. Led him out to Eddie's car and drove out to his favorite place and paid for dinner. He was super pumped and giggled the whole time.
Yes, I'm the best girlfriend ever to be known. (what else could I be for the greatest boyfriend of all time?)


=======================================

On top of that, I still owe people money for rent of a room that I still have yet to sleep in. Not fucking happening anymore and after two paychecks I should be able to pay everyone off and pay for my rent. I can starve as much as I want as long as I can be able to pay people back and clear my name with them. I'm fucking tired of people in this city.... or I just need to finish some adjustments and I could be happy again. Chris is freaking out because he doesn't want to lose me over something so fucking petty that is truly ruining a lot of me wanting to be here.

As much as I DON'T want to say it because all the fucking idiots that I'm surrounded by that LOVE to wallow in their self pity and cry about the days and their "life",

I really fucking hate everyone right now... seriously.

I truly just want everyone to get lost in my life except Chris and Lil B,
my og plans were to just live with Lil B and be completely happy but since I have series of bullshit courses coming in and out my life this can not be in full effect until Lil B gets here... and that's fine.

Lil B, getting used to my job, finishing school.
All of these things are making me push forward.
Well, that and Chris being the best person I have ever met in my entire life.

FUCK AUG CAN NOT COME FASTER

the twist - metric

BURNING FIGHT was super good.

This weekend has been really really awesome,
all filled with new friends, old friends, real hangs, good food, good music, and a whole new view of Chicago.
(a better one at that)

Here's my shitty cellphone pics from this weekend,

Unbroken and the venue filled from side to side






Underdog

Trial

"a slice of pie and a free 'pop'" -oh chicago!


In case you're wondering, I was apart of this.

(this is cut off because of the limitations in my blog, right click, view to see it for real)

Psst, I got hired at Crunch, so if you're in NYC, LA, Miami, Chicago and you're looking for a gym, come holla at ya girl, i got a great deal waiting for you!
x

radio jams

I talked to my boy (Rodney, personal trainer) about my diet today at the gym and I got my heart broken. I realized that everything I enjoy eating is super terrible for me. So I pretty much have to eat like a bird (or rabbit). I truly hit a style of depression that I have never met before. I can't eat anything I enjoy anymore unless I'm working my fucking hardest at the gym. Which I can't always guarantee. So now it's time to look at my diet, as I was grocery shopping I realized fuck American food, why waste taste when I can just follow my roots into a good traditional Korean diet. I wanted to make sure that it's a good diet to follow and I won't be making excuses for nothing. Here are my results to my googlesearch;

wellnessoptions.ca/html/1/016/1_i16_2_main.html
the+korean+diet+healthier+than+the+american
epinions.com/content_1339334788


Easily backed and supported.
Here I come weight loss and perfect body, doing it the way I should've started it, Korean styles.

(ps. i'm eating seaweed soup with a spoonful of rice and black tea with honey)

plenty of paper - eisley

Well so much for me getting mine tonight,
always getting my hopes up for nothing.
Seems as if I were right about this relationship,
another take and take than a give and take.

Thanks a fucking lot Vix (who ever the fuck you are) you stupid fucking bitch,
all ruining my super great perfect boyfriend and shit.


Tomorrow everyone's going to the Converge/Indecision show
but I'll be at home playing neopets, so don't you worry about me! :)

boyfriend/girlfriend - cside ft keyisha cole

it's 4:39, i'm in Club Squeeze, but you're not here













so where are you?

please stop this tom foolery, stop making me sad and come be my valentine

don't even worry about it

the snores of chris

i'm swimming in a sea of muscles and skin covered with ink
with the slight breeze of air escaping from soft snores,
the smell of your body is faint and pleasant,
your heart is the sun of my seascape and in the slience of the room,
i can hear it's rhythm of beat along with mine

here i am, your boat, the s.s. esther
the steady ship of thoughts, daydreams, and procrastination
with my olive colored sails and the scent of enriched perfume into,
my painted blonde accessories tangling with you,
my figure of afloat endlessly snuggling with the waves of your waters

i am yours ocean, take me as i am

now i'm starting to sink and no, i'm not crying for help,
drowning in your ocean is nothing i'll complain about

all i need - radiohead

you never got me the shoes you promised
you never kept our friendship true like you promised
you never got me the gold hoop earrings you promised
you never loved me forever like you promised
you gave up on everything we had even though you promised
you lied to me even though you promised
you never took me to Margie's like you promised
you never taught me all the things and talents you had, even though you promised me

i can't keep my mouth shut or keep my anger down anymore
i'm tired of a broken future,

i'm fucking tired of empty promises

phantom limb - the shins

Chicago's been having beautiful days lately
and I've been leaving the house a lot more often.
I'm beginning to see why Chris loves it here and I'm beginning to love it too.


I want to crawl into our bed and sleep in your arms forever.

here pussy cat..

i've been dressed since 11am, but i haven't left yet, it's 3:02pm.
i hate rainy chicago days, especially when i'm home alone.

ti

I'm over everyone's "self-hate" phase and bullshit, get the fuck over yourself.


“If somebody reads this and your day and your night were akin to mine, then somehow we’ve touched, strange brother or sister, and we both understand that death is not the tragedy. You are alone and I am alone and it’s best that we aren’t together, comparing our pitiful sorrows.”
-Bukowski

hmph

esthervsyou: i don't care
esthervsyou: i have chris and im happy
esthervsyou: and once you're here
esthervsyou: it's over
bethanydewater: we are going to rule the world

i love my bestfriend, please get here soon

third time - cartright

If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together, there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart I'll always be with you.
-Winnie the Pooh

is it me - method man

"I just can't get through to you
Despite all the ways
I try or any of the things I do
Maybe I'd be better off talkin to a wall
Cause you ain't making any sense at all

I'm walkin and I'm talkin
And I'm tryin and I'm lyin
But I just ain't getting through to you!"

june - pinback

"Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for truth." -Benjamin Disrael


He's already been asleep. He has to wake up for work. I creep toward our bed, it's late in the evening (or early in the morning.) With my legs smooth and my skin soft with the smell of milk and honey massaged in, I pull back the blankets and cuddle up to the man already heavily breathing from deep sleep. We act as two puzzle pieces forming together as if there were a magnetic strip along us. For the next 20 minutes all you hear throughout our room is the background music of our sleep playlist (filled with Twilight Singers, Mogwai, Explosions, Brand New...) then the heavy whispers of our babys' and you're mines' as if these were the words to keep us going and keep us merging as one. Giggles and gasps entwine with the words of Coldplay suddenly seeming to play louder. I was yours. You were mine. Our minds were clear from all the clutter and bullshit from the world because right then all we cared about was each other. Then suddenly reality kicked back in and we awkwardly tried to make our body connect again. Our horseshoed bodies colored red and ugly, suddenly didn't align as perfect as before. The music is playing even louder now, Elliot Smith is calibrating with the click of the ceiling fan above us. I muse about the conversation I had with Bethany earlier that day. I sigh. Then I suddenly blurt it out as if the sake of our disconnecting bodies weren't awkward enough.
me: i have to move out
him: oh.. alright then.
*Not surprised by his answer I just stare in the dark corner of our room.
him: so.. why?
me: to make sure we stay together
him: right, so we can have our own space and room.. and live better
*I'm silent because even though I'm not surprised by his answers, I wish they were all different. He adjust himself comfortably to fall asleep again. I start to whisper,
me: soon enough, when i'm gone, you'll change your profile songs to love songs hoping i notice they are for me, you will call and text me everyday urging to hear my voice, you'll beg and save pictures of me on your phone, you'll talk about how sleeping at night is difficult without me there in between you, you won't get sick of me and like me just like you used too...
him: what?
me: everything will be just like how it was when i'm gone
him: alright

He rolls over, I roll over.
I think of you again. Can you leave me alone please? I am replacing you with someone better.
I hate myself. I cry myself to sleep.


"I think we dream so we don't have to be apart for so long. If we're in each other's dreams, we can be together all the time." -Winnie the Pooh

no matter what they say

Lately I've been feeling super unattractive, unsexy, uncreative, and very unfun.

woe is me, life is pain

lust for a vampyr - i monster

Friday (this weekend) was Eddie T's 24th straight-edge cro-mags birthday party of the year.

He was suppose to see Cro-Mags for his birthday but with his job there was no way it was happening and he was truly bummed about it all.
But instead, we all went out for sushi at Papajin's,

(expensive but delicious) then Isabel bought him the MOST illest strawberry, chocolate cake. Everyone was super pumped, i was pretty upset coz i had this cheezy Cro-Mags cake waiting for him at my place, which didn't even compare to those baking skills. But then after party happened at our apartment with just a few of the dudes and then i brought out the Cro-Mags birthday cake i made him. Funny part is, the icing meant to be red, the sprinkles orange, red, white. Turned out hot pink icing, confetti sprinkles. Bethany said, "If San Fran blew up onto one cake, this would be it."



Everyone sat in the living room watching, Harsh Times and when i called Ed into the kitchen everyone followed in and i started to play, "Hard Times" and claimed, "Since you couldn't go see Cro-Mags, I brought them to you."